The child learns early in life to ‘duck and cover’ by constantly appeasing the childish whims (that change with the breeze) of the NPD parent. This is even more true in the case of a child with an NPD parent, since that child intimately knows the unpredictability, implied threats, and intense rages that the parent demonstrates. People complain about spoiled children, but children really have very little power over their parents.
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Young children of a parent who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder are genuine victims of their parent and the disorder-as much as any child who lives through life with an addicted parent, or a parent guilty of physical or sexual abuse. So the NPD parent will rapidly transform from the most charming, loving, and giving parent on the planet to the most enraged, unfeeling, cruel parent imaginable (think of the film Mommy Dearest). And they do not really care what kind of reaction it is, as long as they get a reaction. An individual with NPD absolutely needs to see reactions in the people around them in order to reassure themselves of an identity. If they have a child, they have a built-in ego-supplier. People with NPD consistently look for and groom people by using charm, false interest, and lavish gifts to get them to commit to a relationship. This is a very difficult concept for most normal people to grasp it is hard to relate to a parent who has no genuine concern for their child other than how that child can enhance the parent’s image, or how the child can be drawn from as a source of ‘narcissistic supply’. This parent is quite simply all about themselves, all the time. This is due to the nature of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).ĭue to the disorder, NPD parents have little to no regard for their child’s individuality, ambitions, or emotions. These child victims quite often go unnoticed, untreated, and unassisted by other adults outside of the immediate family. The narcissistic parent abuses in an intensely subtle and devious fashion: they are guilty of severe emotional and mental abuse, and no one outside of the family would ever suspect anything wrong. Young children of a mother or father who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder are genuine victims of their parent and the disorder-as much as any child who lives through life with an addicted parent, or one guilty of physical or sexual abuse. These children often adapt by either erasing themselves, sacrificing their own needs, developing PTSD, or joining the 'winning' side and becoming narcissists themselves.
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The parent's grandiosity eclipsed the child so completely that it resulted in a person who has no idea who they really are as an individual. These children may have no sense of themselves or what they want or need. They begin to believe it's their own fault their parent does not love them, or they hold out hope that by changing themselves, they might earn their parent's love. Instead of blaming the parent, a loving child might take on the responsibility for the negativity and sacrifice their self esteem.